am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
