addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
