There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
