I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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