i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
