New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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