wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize