just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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