So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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