I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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