Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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