this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have tasted many bathrooms
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
