I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
