gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
