You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
