i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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