I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
