i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
