when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is the high leading the old right now
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
