there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
