In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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