Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
