he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
