i think my mom watched the whole time
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
