oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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