i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
