well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
