I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
