Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
