I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
