what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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