He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
