I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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