Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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