dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry about my life...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
