Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
