don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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