All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
