hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
