Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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