"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
