Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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