this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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