morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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