Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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