White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
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