my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
