sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They took my balls.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
