If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Randomize
