and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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