we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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