1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
