I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
