Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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