I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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