apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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