you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
