We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Of course I have a pirate flag
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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