I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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