Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
