you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got inside last night via doggy door
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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