God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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