awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
