Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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