Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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