I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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