just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Randomize
