Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
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Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize