Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
